They came out of the blue. Three completely unexpected text messages.

A few years ago, I couldn’t have imagined receiving them or writing this.
Sometimes when we work with challenging and vulnerable young people, we can be so used to the bad news that the possibility that things will improve, seems ever more unlikely. Perhaps this is form of self-preservation – if we expect the worst, we can’t be surprised any more. And many of us have known life with our children to be bordering on the unbearable.
So, as I’m out at an event one evening last week, surrounded by other people, my phone pings, and pings again and again.
I don’t know about you but I find it easy to ignore emails when they come in but text messages seem to have more of an urgency about them, so, annoyed with myself that I hadn’t switched my phone on to silent as I usually do, I reached into my bag and I saw them, three unread messages from the same person. It could only mean big problems.
As I read the first, then the second and then the third text I found myself overwhelmed and couldn’t stop the tears flowing.
But this was good. Great. Amazing. Brilliant. Beyond anything I could have imagined over the many difficult years.
1. Put channel 5 on – there’s a programme on – My Violent Child.
I hope I wasn’t this bad. Watch it and you’ll know what I’m on about.

2. If you’re watching Channel 5 I’m very sorry for how I was. I’m feeling really guilty for what I’ve put you through. I could say sorry for the rest of my life and mean it but it wouldn’t be enough cos it not only affected you and dad, it affected the whole family. I realise that now from watching ‘My Violent Child’.

3. That programme made me love you even more coz how much you helped me to change my life. I couldn’t have broken the cycle without you. The programme made me cry cos how bad and guilty it made me feel. I owe my life to you guys for keeping me out of trouble and always believing in me.

I wasn’t sure about the ‘keeping me out of trouble’ – I failed miserably at that one, so many times but deep down I did always believe in her. I knew the potential that lay underneath the pain and trauma and hurt and although over the years, as the advice to ‘cut all ties’ became ever louder from well-meaning friends, I refused.
And I’m so glad I did.